Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I have no reasonably useful life skills.

So, I have come to the conclusion that I possess no reasonably useful life skills. Why do I say this? My roommate asked me if I had ever actually bought groceries for myself, I thought about it, had to answer no.

Also, I am sitting here eating bread and cheese. I cannot function the stove or anything that does not simply require boiling water. And sometimes I fail at that, too.

Example: In high school, I wanted to bake a cake for a friend's birthday. I won enough sympathy from my sister that she made it for me. She left me to do the frosting and decorations since she was going to sleep. I discovered that we had no frosting whatsoever, and I really didn't want to get out the mixer to make some. I decided to melt some chocolate chips and use it as a sort of chocolatey drizzle on top. I poured some into a glass measuring cup and heated it for 30 seconds. No change. They looked exactly the same. I decided 3 minutes would be sufficient to melt them into a molten pool of chocolate. After 3 minutes, I opened the microwave door, and a huge cloud of smoke bellowed out. It smelled like burnt happiness. In any case, I panicked and grabbed it with an oven mitt and dumped the contents onto my lawn in the backyard. Remember that it's the middle of the night. So there's this black oozing pile on my lawn now, and I have no cake topping. I ended up sprinkling powdered sugar on top, but I think the cake was still too hot, and I covered it with aluminum foil, so it melted into a sticky mess. That cake looked very much less than appetizing. And I've just remembered that it was for AK's birthday when we were still "going out."

Also, I've only recently tackled laundry by myself. I'm far from mastering it. I did have some white towels come out sort of orange hued because of a futon cover that was not color fast.

On the other hand, of my not-very-helpful-skills-in-everyday-life, I can crochet, MS Paint like a fiend, and hoard ephemera like a crazy person.

Here's my friend, the bus stop bunny:

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